The Shepherd's Voice
by DinerGuy
Summary: Kurt recognized Shepherd's voice in that recording, but why? Could it be tied to why Sandstorm has been watching him for years? And why Jane has a tattoo of his name on her back? After all, there is no such thing as a coincidence... (Pre-series)


_A/N: Standard disclaimers apply._

* * *

There were times when Kurt appreciated the fact that he had been sent to the military school. Those were the times when he allowed himself to go down the dark road of thoughts about his father and Taylor and what had happened that night years before… When the hatred threatened to consume him, that was when he was grateful that he was far away from home and from the man who refused to admit his guilt in Taylor's disappearance.

But then those thoughts led straight to Sarah and the fact that she was still with their father. Kurt might be away from the monster at home, but his sister was not. Sarah believed their father's claims of innocence and constantly tried to talk Kurt over to seeing her side of the picture. She saw their father as the man Kurt had seen him as for years as well: kind, caring, willing to do anything for his children. However, Kurt knew deep down that he could never agree with her anymore; he could never see his father the same way again. There was a feeling in his gut, something unexplainable and insistent, that told him there was more to what had happened that night. It was a combination of a dozen little things, on top of the fact that his father's muddy shoes could not be explained.

The idea of Sarah living by herself with the man scared Kurt. It scared him deeply, made him worry that she would vanish one night as simply as Taylor had. And the fact that there was nothing he could do about it made it even worse. He wanted to be there to protect her, to keep her safe in the way he had been unable to keep Taylor safe the night that he had gone upstairs and found her gone, but he didn't know how. No matter how hard he tried, he just could not seem to control his anger around his father, and that had led to the solution of military school enrollment. If it had only been him, that would have been all that Kurt would have needed. But Sarah… Sarah was left behind when he went away, and Kurt had this unshakable fear that one day he would learn she had also disappeared.

And so he would sneak away every chance he got to make sure his sister was still safe. It was difficult sometimes to find the opportunity, and when he was unsuccessful, he found himself in trouble at the school, but to Kurt it was worth it.

One night, the driving rain outside pounded at the windows and the thunder seemed to shake the building. The almost-constant flashes of lightning illuminated the interior of the room at regular intervals and kept the boys awake for longer than usual. Eventually, however, they all drifted off to sleep - all except for Kurt. He couldn't stop thinking about the similarities between the current night and the night that Taylor had disappeared. As much as he tried to just close his eyes and fall asleep, the haunting memories would not leave him alone. He tossed and turned for some time before finally giving up the idea of sleep as futile. A few minutes later, he finally gave up on staying put in the safety of his room as well. It was nagging at his mind too much for him to let it be, and so he slipped into a pair of pants and a sweatshirt and quietly padded out the door with his shoes in his hand.

Thankfully the thunder and lightning had quieted down by this point, leaving only driving rain for him to contend with. Kurt hunched his shoulders, tucked his hands in his pockets, and started down the road outside of the school. He might look like a drowned cat when he got back to the house, but getting there and seeing Sarah was all that mattered to him. The farther he went, however, the more miserable he got. He was soaked to the skin, and the thoughts of his father made him angrier and angrier. How could the man have done what he did to Taylor? And how dare he force Kurt to have to leave home? All it would have taken was for the man to have told the truth. Then Kurt and Sarah would still be together and there would be no need for Kurt to have to walk through a pounding rainstorm to make sure nothing had happened to his sister.

Lights from behind him halted his train of thought, and he moved closer to the side of the road. Instead of driving on past, however, the driver slowed down alongside him. Kurt looked over, a mixture of curiosity and apprehension stirring in his stomach. Perhaps this person was just concerned about a teenager walking down the road on his own so late at night. But there was also the possibility that there was something darker behind their stopping.

The vehicle slowed to match Kurt's pace, and the low _whirrr_ of the window rolling down met his ears. "Hey!" a woman's voice called to him, sounding both friendly and concerned.

Kurt didn't stop, but he looked over at the vehicle. It was a nondescript dark sedan, and nothing about it immediately set any warning bells off in his head, but he wasn't about to let down his guard so easily.

The woman was peering out of the window at him, ignoring the rain that was surely getting inside of her car and onto her. She smiled reassuringly. "What in the world are you doing on the road at this time of night?" She sounded worried, and Kurt felt a sudden pang at the parental tone in her voice. "You're going to catch a cold in this weather."

"Just headed home, ma'am," Kurt responded politely.

"Well can I give you a lift?" she asked. "I can't let you just keep going in the rain." She continued to slowly roll alongside him as he trudged down the street. "I'm harmless; I promise."

Kurt studied her for a moment as he weighed the situation. She didn't seem dangerous; her face was warm and welcoming, and the idea of riding in a warm, dry car seemed much more appealing than hiking in the rain. As if to underscore the thought, a shiver ran up and down his spine at the continual deluge of rainwater. A moment later, he nodded. "Okay. Okay, sure. Thank you, ma'am."

"No problem at all; climb in." The woman's car halted completely as she braked for him to come around to the passenger side of the vehicle.

When Kurt had climbed in and shut the door behind him, he looked down and smiled sheepishly. "I'm, uh, getting your seat all wet," he said apologetically.

"Oh, that doesn't matter." The woman's smile was warm, her dark cheeks dimpling as she waved off his concerns. "It's just water; it'll dry. So," she continued, putting the car back into drive, "where are we headed?"

Kurt looked up from buckling his seatbelt. "Uh, you don't have to take me all the way, ma'am. Just into town is fine; I'll be able to get home from there pretty quick."

She nodded, seeming to accept his answer. "Okay then." As the car moved ahead again, faster than the foot pace it had been keeping previously, she looked over at him. "I'm Shepherd, by the way. What's your name?"

"Kurt," he offered.

"Okay, Kurt. So what brings you out to the middle of nowhere at this hour?"

He didn't want to admit the whole truth, so he just shrugged. "Family stuff."

"Ah," she nodded knowingly. "I understand. There's always something going on in a family."

"Not like mine," he muttered under his breath.

It wasn't clear if she had heard his exact words, but her wry smile told that she at least caught the emotion behind them. "You know, I'm willing to bet most kids feel that way," she said. "I have two of my own, and you wouldn't believe the fights that go on at my house sometimes."

The heater was nice and warm, and Kurt settled back into the car seat as she continued.

"My daughter, Remy, she's definitely a handful. I mean, she's so responsible and obedient, but she has her moments of… well, let's just say she and I have different opinions sometimes."

Nodding slowly, Kurt watched the trees passing by outside the window. "Yeah, my dad and I don't really get along lately." He scowled as the memories came to mind. "He's why I'm out here right now actually." Shepherd didn't say anything, but the silence that hung between them was comforting rather than awkward, and Kurt's words were soon tumbling out. "I have to make sure my sister is okay. She lives by herself with our father ever since I left for school, which I wouldn't have had to do except that our neighbor - my best friend - disappeared and I know he had something to do with it but he won't admit it." He stopped to take a breath, slightly taken aback that he had just poured all of that out on a complete stranger. "I'm sorry," he added quietly, slumping in his seat.

Shepherd didn't say anything for a moment, then she tilted her head. "I adopted Remy and her brother, Roman, from a very bad situation. They both carry a lot of hurt and hatred towards the people who hurt them, and I honestly can't blame them. It's been a long road, and they've still got a ways to go. And hearing you talk now, it sounds like you have some of the same feelings."

"Yeah…" Kurt chewed on his lip as he thought it over. "It's just not fair," he finally said. "I _know_ there's more to the story of that night, but the police won't look any further because there's no clear evidence that he's behind it. But I know he was responsible. I just know it, but they wouldn't listen to me because I was just a kid."

Shepherd reached over and patted his shoulder, her hand soft and motherly, and Kurt closed his eyes tiredly. It had been so long since his own mother had left, and until that moment, Kurt hadn't allowed himself to admit just how much he had missed her.

And then she moved her hand back to the steering wheel and cleared her throat. "I know you just met me, Kurt, but believe me, I understand where you're coming from. Sometimes it seems impossible that the right people will ever be brought to justice. But don't worry; everything will work out eventually."

There was a pause as Kurt stared out of the window. Shepherd seemed to understand his need for silence and drove along quietly until he was ready to continue the conversation.

"I just don't see why I'm the one who has to go away when it's all his fault," Kurt mumbled. "I don't even like this school; the only good part about it is that it's away from _him_."

"Oh, you must like _something_ else about it," Shepherd chuckled. "What's your favorite subject?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "No, I hate school." Then he paused. "Well," he amended, "there is shooting."

"Shooting?"

He chuckled despite himself. "Yeah, I do go to a military school."

"Ah," she returned, nodding her head. "That makes sense then. You any good?"

"I guess so," he shrugged. "I mean, I'm not the _best_ , but I do pretty good. I've even won a couple of awards so far." His chest puffed out slightly in pride.

Shepherd looked over with a smile. "That's great!" she exclaimed, sounding genuinely happy for him. "I bet you'll be the best one there before too long; don't sell yourself short."

"Thanks," Kurt said with a small shrug. He fidgeted in his seat, settling back a little more and looking down at the floorboards as the conversation seemed to die down in that quietly awkward way that conversations tend to do after a while.

They fell into a comfortable silence then, the _thump thump_ ing of the windshield wipers and the running heater the only sounds in the quiet of the car. At some point along the way, the rain slacked off, and by the time they pulled into the outskirts of the town, the weather had calmed to a steady drizzle.

Kurt sat up in his seat as the trees started to open up to rows of houses. "You can let me out here," he told Shepherd. "I don't live far from here."

"Are you sure? I don't mind dropping you off at your house."

"No," he replied politely, shaking his head. "I, uh, I can walk from here."

She nodded. "Okay then. Be safe."

"Thanks," he said, waiting until the car had stopped to open his door and hop out onto the sidewalk. "Thank you for the ride."

"Anytime," she smiled back before pulling off down the road.

* * *

It was a week and a half later when Kurt next snuck out. At least it wasn't raining this time.

He was about twenty minutes into his hike down the road when a car pulled up next to him. When he glanced over in response to the crunching of tires and glare of headlights, his brow furrowed in recognition.

The driver of the car recognized him as well. "Hi!" the woman called, friendliness coloring her voice. "Kurt, right?"

"Yeah…" he replied slowly.

"Oh, sorry, you probably think this is weird." She chuckled. "I pass this way for work a lot, and wouldn't you know it, I was just driving past and saw you, and I just thought, you know, that you looked familiar. And sure enough, it is you!"

Kurt nodded politely. "Thank you again for the ride last week."

"That rainstorm really was something, wasn't it?" she asked him. "Are you headed home again?"

With another nod, Kurt walked closer to the car. "Yes, I figured I was overdue to check on Sarah again."

"I completely understand," Shepherd said. She gestured with a tilt of her head. "Why don't you hop in? I'm headed back towards town again. I would love to give you another ride." When he hesitated, she smiled warmly. "Beats walking, and you'll get there about five times quicker, right?"

He couldn't argue with that. "Guess you're right," he said. "Thanks."

"My pleasure."

Once the door had shut behind Kurt and his seat belt had clicked into place, Shepherd shifted the car into gear and accelerated down the road.

She looked over at him as they got up to speed. "So, how was your sister last time? Everything good?"

"Yeah, as much as she can be, I guess," Kurt said. He had been thinking about his father too much that evening, and so his words came out much more darkly than he had intended.

For her part, Shepherd didn't mention his tone. "Well, that's good. She's your younger sister, right?"

"Yeah," Kurt nodded. "My little sister," he repeated. "Which is why I have to check on her," he added in explanation.

"Why don't you just call her?" Shepherd suggested. She glanced over at him then back at the road, but it was enough to catch Kurt's expression. "What?"

He grunted and crossed his arms. "That wouldn't work. Dad would know."

"Oh," Shepherd replied, nodding slowly.

"And yeah, I know, that sounds weird," he defended. "But… well, I did tell you about Taylor last time, right?"

Shepherd readjusted her hands on the wheel. "Your neighbor? The girl who disappeared?"

"Yeah," Kurt said, "her." He paused as the memories flickered through his mind. "I'm just worried about Sarah, but Dad doesn't understand. He just says he didn't do anything wrong and I'm being stupid and that I need to quit calling every day because if I didn't want to stay home then I shouldn't want to talk to them every day." He took a breath as his words quit tumbling out. "So yeah, and I feel better if I can see her anyway."

"Well then," Shepherd looked over and smiled at him again, "let's get you there quickly."

* * *

Kurt got caught sneaking out when he tried the next time two weeks later, but he couldn't keep his mind off of Sarah, and so the next day, he tried again. And that time, he succeeded in getting to the road without anyone noticing. When Shepherd's car appeared a few minutes into his trek, he was surprised that it didn't surprise him.

"Hi Kurt," she sounded excited to see him. "I was wondering if I'd pass you tonight!"

"Hey, Shepherd," he greeted, walking around to the passenger door without being invited. "Mind if I hitch a ride again?"

"Oh of course not!" She leaned over to move a briefcase off of the seat. "We both know I'm headed that way anyway." And then she pointed the car back down the road as her passenger settled in. "Checking on Sarah again tonight?"

He nodded wordlessly.

"You okay?" she looked over at him with concern dancing behind her eyes. When he raised an eyebrow at her, she shook her head wryly. "I'm a mother, Kurt. I can tell when people aren't themselves."

"I… It's been a while since I've really had a mother," he told her softly. Then he cleared his throat. "We used to go camping around this time every year. I'm just worried no one will be there when I show up tonight."

They didn't say much the rest of the way, Shepherd seeming to sense his need for peace and quiet. Kurt hopped out at the corner where they had stopped the past two rides and thanked her again for the lift. Unfortunately, when he reached the house, he found it dark and silent. Some poking around in the garage and the closets inside - Kurt still had a house key - confirmed his thoughts that his dad and Sarah had still gone camping as usual. He felt a pang in his chest as he realized they had taken the usual family trip without him. Memories of the regular camping trips on which his dad had taken Kurt, Sarah, and Taylor over the years came rushing unbidden to his mind, and Kurt sank back against the wall. He slid to the kitchen floor and pulled his knees up to his chest, his breathing ragged as he closed his eyes and allowed himself to revisit the good times. That had been back before his dad… Well, before all of the craziness that was his life now had happened.

Then Kurt shook his head and stood up. He might as well head back to the school now; there was nothing he could do at home tonight. Part of him wished he could still check in on Sarah; something about her being out in the woods alone with their dad really scared him. There was no way for him to get all the way out to the campgrounds alone, and most certainly not there and back in one night, so Kurt locked the door behind himself and started back for the highway.

He rounded the corner where he had gotten out of Shepherd's car, and his thoughts drifted to the woman who had so suddenly become a part of his outings the past month. And then as if she had read his mind, her car rounded the corner across from him. Kurt paused in surprise, and judging from her expression as she slowly rolled to a stop, she hadn't expected to see him either.

"Why Kurt," she exclaimed, opening her door and stepping out of the car. "Are you okay? Was your sister not there?"

Shaking his head, he let his shoulders slump. "No… And the tent and their sleeping bags are gone, so I was right. They went on our trip without me."

"I'm so sorry." And she actually sounded like she meant it, he realized; it wasn't like when most adults said they were sorry that something had happened when what they meant was just that they were sorry he was upset. "That must be frustrating."

Kurt nodded, then swiped his arm over his face. "So I'm heading back," he said simply.

"You know," she said, "I ended up having to head back tonight instead of staying in town like I usually do. Do you need a ride back?"

"Uh…" He hesitated. "I really don't want to impose. I can walk back."

Shepherd put a hand on his arm. "Nonsense! I'm headed that way anyway; it would be silly for you to walk when I'm going right by there."

After a moment, Kurt allowed himself to smile his acceptance. "Thank you, ma'am. That would be great."

"Then it's settled!" she said invitingly, turning back for her vehicle.

As Kurt followed behind her, he sighed to himself. It was nice to have someone in his life on whom he could rely.

* * *

Three weeks later, he again left school, and sure enough, Shepherd stopped for him on the road into town. He was glad for the welcome change in his life that had become a cycle of classes, going home to look in on Sarah without his dad finding out, and then sneaking back into school without anyone else finding out.

The pair of young kids in the backseat this time was a surprising change.

"Yes, that's Remy and Roman," Shepherd smiled when she saw him glance back to her questioningly. "My sitter cancelled last minute, but I still had to make it into town, so they came along." She winked at him. "They wore themselves out asking if we were there yet."

Kurt glanced back again at the siblings. The little boy was curled on his side, leaning over onto his sister's shoulder, his wavy brown hair pressed up against her cheek. She looked to be the older of the two, but she was smaller than her brother. Her dark hair was mussed by sleep, several of the locks hanging in her face as she snored lightly. Then the image of Taylor falling asleep on his shoulder on the way home from a fishing trip suddenly came to mind, and Kurt sucked in a deep breath. He turned back quickly and stared pointedly out of the windshield.

"Kurt?" Shepherd asked from beside him. "What's wrong?"

He just shook his head. "Nothing."

"Oh come on, that's not nothing," she prodded. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," he brushed her concern off, his mind still on the remembrance of how Taylor's hair had felt up against his cheek, the stray flyaways tickling under his nose. She had smelled like a faint mixture of shampoo, summer air, and fish from their day at the lake.

Shepherd let him stay lost in his thoughts for a few moments, then she spoke up again. "Kurt, if you want to talk… I'm sure it's hard, remembering everything your father took from you but not being able to do anything about it."

He didn't reply.

"It's okay if you want to just keep to yourself," she continued. "Sometimes we need to process things on our own. But let me know if you do want to talk," she offered before quietly turning back to the road ahead of her.

Kurt didn't reply, opting instead to just watch the trees outside and remain in his memories of the days gone by when things were still happy and peaceful, back when Taylor was still around and his father wasn't a monster from whom Kurt felt obligated to protect his little sister. Shepherd let him sit in silence during the trip; the only sound that was heard in the car was the soft snoring of the children in the back seat.

When they reached Kurt's corner, Shepherd cleared her throat. "Kurt… I, ah, I promised the kids we'd stop for burgers on the way home. I'd love for you to join us if you want. It'll be fun," she offered with a hopeful smile.

He just shook his head. "Thanks for the offer but… I think I'd rather be alone on the way back. I'll be fine to walk," he added at the look on her face. But thanks, really."

And she just nodded and let him out, offering a wave out of the window as she drove off.

* * *

The weeks turned to months and the months turned to one year and then another before Kurt knew it. Life was filled with school, worrying about Sarah, and finding things to occupy his summers and holidays so that he wouldn't have to see or talk to his father.

Shepherd had quit coming around after those first half dozen meetings, and Kurt assumed that whatever job it was that had her driving in and out of town regularly had finally ended. He'd been a little disappointed when he realized that he hadn't just missed her once or twice. She had been a welcome interlude in his otherwise miserable life, and on the first few hikes on his own, he found himself wondering how it was possible to miss someone he hadn't even known for very long.

Kurt continued to focus on the one thing he truly enjoyed at the school: his sharpshooting. He spent hours on end at the range, shooting things as a primal form of stress relief, and before long, he had risen in the ranks of pupils until he held several records and continued to improve with practice. Part of him wished he could tell his father about his achievements, but whenever that thought would come to mind, he would quickly quash it. His father didn't care about him or Sarah or Taylor; why would the man want to know anything Kurt was doing with his life?

And then his years at the school came to an end. Kurt was toying with the idea of enlisting after graduation, as many of his classmates had already decided to do. It would get him fully away from his father, that was a benefit to be sure, but Kurt couldn't bring himself to take the final step and actually do it. Enlisting would take him far from home, and until Sarah was no longer a minor and could leave their father's care, Kurt just couldn't leave her. Who knew but that the only reason she was still safe and sound was because their father knew Kurt was so close by and would never allow him to get away with anything for a second time? If Kurt was far away… Well, he didn't even want to stop to think of what that could mean for his little sister. He had to stay close by, if only until she turned eighteen. Anyway, there were always other options besides the military. Law enforcement was particularly appealing to him; the idea of being able to actively put away monsters like his father held a particular allure to Kurt. With his skills, he'd be sure to pass any entrance exams, and that would guarantee him immediate employment so that he could afford his own place. Still, something about committing to anything worried him.

The night before graduation, the uncertainty of his future kept Kurt tossing and turning for quite some time. His indecision about what he would do after school ended churned in his mind, and it inevitably led to thoughts of what could happen to Sarah depending on what he decided. He just couldn't bear the thought of abandoning her; he was already constantly worried about her being home alone with their father. What would happen when the man knew he was out of Kurt's reach? That train of thought soon had Kurt out of bed and getting dressed quickly. He couldn't shake the thoughts of Sarah all alone with their father, and he knew he'd never sleep that night if he didn't go check on her. Just a peek in the window was all he would need, just to make sure she was still all right.

A little later that evening, that's exactly what he was doing. He watched from the shadows outside of her bedroom as Sarah lounged around, listening to music and talking to someone on the phone, having as peaceful an evening as Kurt could ask for anyone. She finally turned out the light and climbed into bed, and Kurt stood there for a while longer, watching over her as she drifted off to sleep. Then, with a smile of satisfaction, he backed away and headed for the far corner of the house, from which he would then start back down the road towards the school. He rounded the edge of the flowerbeds-

And came face to face with his father.

"Kurt?" The man was visibly surprised. He was wearing a bathrobe with his plaid pajama pants poking out underneath, the edges tucked into a pair of rain boots. Lowering the flashlight in his hand, he frowned. "What are you doing here?"

Kurt crossed his arms. "Nothing."

"Aren't you supposed to be at school? What will they say when they find out you're here?"

"Probably the same thing they have every other time," Kurt snapped back. Why did the man care what happened to him? "But not like it matters; I'm almost done there."

His father blinked. "You are?"

"Oh my g- I can't believe this!" Kurt exclaimed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "Do you not even know what tomorrow is?"

"Oh. Oh! Is that tomorrow?" The older man blinked as the thought came to his mind.

Kurt gritted his teeth. "Yes. The graduation ceremony is tomorrow. But don't worry; I wasn't expecting you to show up anyway."

With a sigh, his father shook his head slowly. "No, of course we'll be there."

"No!" It came out louder than he had intended, but Kurt didn't really care at this point. "Don't bother. Apparently it isn't important enough to you, so I don't want you there."

"Kurt-"

"Don't 'Kurt' me!" Kurt pointed a finger at the man. "You have no right to act like you're concerned about me. You gave that up the minute you killed Taylor!"

"Kurt, don't cause a scene," his father hissed. "I told you already; I would never have hurt Taylor. And watch your tone with me, young man. I'm still your father."

Rolling his eyes heavily and pointedly, Kurt sighed. "Maybe technically," he retorted, "but I don't care. I'm leaving now; good-bye."

"You still haven't told me why you're here." The words stopped Kurt in his tracks. "What are you doing slinking around outside your own house like a cat burglar?"

Kurt whirled around, his eyes flashing fury at the accusation. "Maybe I'm just making sure you haven't murdered my sister the way you did my best friend!"

The only sound in the aftermath of his exclamation was the cliché chirping of a cricket somewhere in the bushes nearby. His father stared at him, mouth agape, and Kurt's stomach was flipping cartwheels as the reality of what he had just said sank in.

Then his father spoke, his words low and cold. "Is that what you think of me?" His brow was furrowed deeply as he glared at his son.

"Yes… Yes," Kurt repeated, his tone growing bolder as he repeated himself. "As a matter of fact, yes. Admit it! You're the reason Taylor disappeared, but you can't bring yourself to accept responsibility for what you did! And now everyone around you is in danger because who knows when your next lapse of self-control will happen?"

"Don't you dare raise your voice at me like that!" His father stalked forward and closed the distance between them in just a few short strides. They were now nose to nose, both breathing heavily with emotion.

Kurt glared into the older man's face, a million thoughts stirring just below the surface. "Admit it, _Dad_. You killed her, didn't you? You killed her, and now you don't know how to face me."

"Shut up, Kurt!" The words exploded out of his father. "You stop it right now! For the last time, I didn't do anything wrong! And if you don't let this go-"

"You'll what? You'll kill me too?" Kurt clenched his fists. "You know what? I'm done! Done! Don't come tomorrow, and don't worry about me! Ever again! I'm enlisting after graduation and leaving town! I don't ever want to see your sorry face again, do you hear me?"

And with that, he spun on his heels and tore off towards the road before he did anything he would actually regret.

His feet pounded the asphalt as he ran headlong back in the direction from which he had come. He wouldn't be able to keep up the pace the whole way, and he knew that, but he also knew he had a desperate need deep inside to put as much distance as he could between his father and himself in as short of a time as he could manage. He was gasping for breath and tears of exertion were running down his cheeks when headlights illuminated the road in front of him. Kurt moved off the road into the grass just past the curb, gulping for air as he slowed, then looked over as he realized the car had stopped.

"Kurt?" an oddly familiar voice called. "Kurt, is everything okay?"

He turned, blinking to clear his blurry vision as he strained to make out the driver of the vehicle. The woman stepped out of her car and came over to stand in front of him.

"Kurt?" Shepherd asked again, putting a hand on his right arm. "Honey, what's wrong?"

Taking a deep, shuddering breath, he just shook his head. He sighed again, trying to pull himself together. "My father…"

"You look pale, Kurt. Here, come sit down." And she guided him over to the edge of the curb. Her car was still running a few feet away, but no other vehicles were in sight, so she seemed content to leave it be as she eased him to a seat on the lip of the concrete. "Now, breathe in and out slowly. There. That's it," she soothed as she rubbed his back gently. "What happened? Did he hurt you?"

"No." He shook his head. "No, he didn't do anything to me. Or Sarah," he added quickly. "But we had a fight… I told him not to show up at graduation tomorrow and that I would be enlisting afterwards." He made a face and sniffed out a short chuckle. "Not that I want to do that. I can't leave Sarah alone that long! But I can't stay around him, and I have nowhere else to go for the summer."

Shepherd tilted her head to the side in a half-shrug. "I might have an idea, if you'd be interested. It'd be a way for you to stay nearby Sarah but avoid having to stay at home."

Her nonchalant tone had piqued his interest, and he looked over curiously. "What's that?"

"Well, you see, I actually live not too far away from here. It's a family farm, and my kids have so much fun there, and, well, I think you might enjoy staying with us. You could leave whenever you wanted to go check on Sarah, and you could even take the car so you don't have to walk all that way every time you go."

Kurt wiped a hand across his face as he thought over Shepherd's proposal. "Are you sure it wouldn't be too much trouble?" he asked, trying to keep his hope in check but unable to hide just how much he wanted to accept this perfect solution that had been offered to him.

"Oh, no! Not at all!" she was quick to exclaim. "Kurt," she said, looking him in the eye, "you don't need to worry about anything if you come to the farm with me. There will be a lot of hard work required, but it'll be rewarding. I promise."

He nodded. "Okay then. Yes, I'd love to come. Thank you," he finished, his tone conveying just how heartfelt those last words were.

"Wonderful! Roman and Remy will love to have the company." Shepherd pushed to her feet and reached out a hand to help him up. "Come on; I'll give you a ride back to the school."

* * *

Kurt wasn't sure what to expect when Shepherd's car turned down the dirt lane towards the farmhouse. Sure, he was grateful for the opportunity that had pretty much been dropped in his lap to work for room and board at the farm, but he had only seen her children that one time years ago. Who knew if they'd even get along? If he was going to stay with them for the entire summer, perhaps he should have considered this all in a little more depth…

"Don't worry; you'll all get along just fine," Shepherd spoke up from beside him, seeming to have read his thoughts.

He turned with a grateful smile. "Thanks. I guess I'm just a little nervous about all of this."

Her smile stayed warm as she replied, "New things can be scary. But Remy and Roman are so excited you're coming - as am I - and I'm sure you'll love it here."

As if on cue, the door flew open and a boy and a girl tumbled out. Kurt vaguely recognized them from the car ride years before, and he smiled in greeting as they hurried down the steps to join him and their mother.

"Kids, this is Kurt," Shepherd said loudly, looking between both of the siblings. "Remember, he'll be staying with us for a little while for now."

They nodded as one, quietly studying Kurt, who took the opportunity to return the searching gazes. The boy had sandy hair and an impish grin, and Kurt immediately took a liking to him. A curious scar crossed his right eye, but it didn't seem to bother him at all. The girl had long dark hair, and her green eyes reminded Kurt of Taylor, so much so that he had to pause and take a deep breath.

"This is Roman and this is Remy." If Shepherd noticed his pause, she didn't say anything about it. "I'm sure you'll all find plenty to keep yourselves busy," she smiled.

"Come on, let us show you around!" Roman urged.

Remy nodded and moved forward. "There's a lot to explore and to do around here," she told him.

"You kids go on," Shepherd chuckled. "I'll put your bag inside, Kurt. Kids, you can go play but remember not to be late for dinner, okay?"

"Okay!" all three chorused, then Remy impulsively grabbed Kurt's hand and they ran off towards the treeline at the back of the house.

The afternoon passed in a blink as they wandered all over the property. Kurt could barely remember the last time he had felt so carefree and happy. He didn't want to think about ever leaving.

And then Remy looked up at the sky. "Ooh, it's getting late. We should head back now." Then she looked over at her brother mischievously. "Race you back?"

"Loser cleans the entire kitchen after dinner tonight," Roman suggested.

Remy grinned. "You're on! Kurt's on my team." She didn't wait for either of the boys to acknowledge her before she yelled, "Ready, set, go!" and grabbed Kurt's hand before tearing off into the trees.

They ran through the woods, risking periodic glances behind them, until Kurt pulled up beside a particularly large tree. He put a hand up and leaned against the trunk, panting heavily, then put both hands on his knees as he bent over, trying to catch his breath.

"Wait… a minute…" he panted.

Remy glanced back in the direction from which they had come. Her eyes were darting back and forth, searching for any sign of her brother, and she frowned. "We can't stop. He's going to catch up to us."

"You two sure have a weird idea of fun games," Kurt remarked wryly.

She smirked. "Or maybe you do." Then she clapped her hands together. "Okay, enough resting. Time to go. I don't want to have to do kitchen duty tonight."

They started off again, quickly accelerating to a sprint as they headed for the finish line of their footrace.

"Come on, slowpoke; keep up!" Remy laughed, shoving Kurt's shoulder as she passed him up on his left side.

Kurt rolled his eyes good-naturedly and focused on adding more speed to his strides. He managed to put enough power behind his run that he caught up to his teammate in just a few more moments. Their laughter echoed through the trees as they continued, first one gaining the lead and then the other passing to move ahead. Both were so focused on the other that they missed the slope of the ground off to their right, and when Kurt next passed Remy and gave her a friendly nudge, the combination of dried leaves on the forest floor and the sudden tilt of the ground combined to send Remy head over heels down the small embankment.

All thoughts of beating Roman back fled from Kurt's mind as Remy's small exclamation of surprise met his ears. "Remy!" He started forward as if to try to catch her, but she had already come to a rather abrupt stop against a tree trunk several yards away.

The part that really got to him was that she did not immediately get up.

In fact, she did not even move, and Kurt unsuccessfully tried to stuff down the worry that was welling up inside of him. Thankfully by the time he reached her and had dropped to his knees, her eyelids were fluttering open. "Are you okay?" he quickly asked.

"Yeah… I think so…" She pushed up to a sitting position and rubbed the back of her neck, wincing as she did so. "Ow." When she pulled her hand away, both she and Kurt could see the blood smeared on it.

Kurt's eyes widened slightly. "Let me see," he instructed, moving to check her injury.

She waved him off. "I'll be fine."

"But, Remy," he started.

"It's just a cut," she interrupted him. "It'll heal."

He looked doubtful, but she didn't let him argue. "Come on; help me up," she instructed. "We can't let Roman beat us!"

And with that, she was up and off again like a shot, leaving Kurt to scramble to catch up.

* * *

Later that night, after dinner had been finished, Shepherd came to find Kurt. "I have a job for you," she said simply.

"Oh?" Kurt asked, his curiosity piqued. He noticed Roman standing quietly behind Shepherd and quirked a questioning eyebrow at the other boy.

Roman didn't say anything, but he just inclined his head towards his mother and waited for her to elaborate.

"Your shooting skills will come in handy for it," she continued with a nod to Kurt. "I didn't tell you all of this earlier because I wasn't sure if you'd end up coming stay with us, but we do some special work here."

Kurt stayed quiet, listening with interested curiosity as she continued

"I used to be in the army," she told him. "And I've been able to still use my skills to bring justice to people who would otherwise escape it. Remy and Roman are learning how to help me with my missions." When Kurt didn't respond right away, she continued, "Well, if you'd like to help, we have a new assignment."

Now Roman spoke up, clearing his throat. "Who is it?" he asked.

"His name doesn't really matter," Shepherd said dismissively. "But he's a politician who has lots of friends in high places. Those friends have helped him avoid the consequences of some very bad actions." She looked between the two boys. "He has a… liking for teenage girls."

Kurt's hands involuntarily tightened into fists. An image of his sister danced through his mind, and a glance at Roman told him the other boy was having thoughts of his own sister.

If Shepherd noticed their expressions, she didn't say anything to acknowledge them. "We want to send a message, to let him know that there are people watching who know what he's doing and _aren't_ scared by his connections." She looked Kurt in the eye. "That's where you'll come in."

"Me?" he asked. "What can I do?"

"You think you can shoot out a car tire if you have the right viewpoint?" Shepherd smiled when he hesitated. "Your awards at the school are well-deserved; I have faith in you, Kurt."

"I'll be your spotter," Roman offered.

Shepherd stepped over to Kurt and put a hand on his shoulder. She looked him in the eye. "Kurt, this man is going to keep hurting girls like Sarah and Remy if we don't stop him."

"Okay," Kurt nodded in determination. "I'm in."

And that was how, a little over an hour later, Kurt found himself crouched on a rooftop, a rifle assembled and pressed to his shoulder as he peered through the scope. Beside him, Roman was watching the road through a pair of binoculars.

Roman pointed off into the distance, where a pair of headlights were just starting to come into view. "There. That's him."

"You sure?" Kurt asked, pointing his rifle towards the vehicle and squinting to make out its details.

"Yeah," Roman replied, keeping his own view fixed in the direction he had indicated. "Yeah, that's the right kind of car."

"But is it _his_ car?"

There was a brief silence as they both watched the road. Then, a few moments later, Roman grunted in satisfaction. "I can see him in the backseat through the window. That's definitely him."

"Gotcha," Kurt replied in a low, even tone. He was tracking with the vehicle as it sped along the road, and he made sure to get a glimpse of the passenger as well.

There was another moment of silence as time seemed to slow down, and then Kurt slowly but surely pulled the trigger on his rifle.

Even with the sound suppressor screwed onto the end of the firearm, the report of the shot still seemed to echo around Kurt, but he refused to allow himself to get distracted. He kept his gaze fixed on the vehicle as he watched for evidence that his shot had hit its mark. And sure enough, there was sudden chaos on the road as the vehicle's right front tire seemed to explode. The driver made a valiant effort to keep the car on the road, but it swerved back and forth several times before coming to a stop on the shoulder.

"We did it!" Kurt grinned in satisfaction.

Roman put a hand on Kurt's weapon. "Come on; let's go. Shepherd's waiting."

When they arrived back at the van, Shepherd was waiting with a proud smile on her face. "That was some great shooting, Kurt!" she praised. "Thank you for doing your job so well; because of you, that man will never hurt anyone ever again."

He wanted to accept the praise, but something about it was nagging at him. "But all I did was shoot out his tire," he said slowly.

"But that was what we needed," Shepherd was quick to tell him.

Roman nodded silently from where he was sitting behind Shepherd, seeming content to let his mother do all of the talking.

"We have agents on the ground who are taking care of the rest," the woman continued. "For now, just know that you did your job perfectly."

* * *

That night, Kurt had just climbed under the covers in his room when the door creaked open and Shepherd stuck her head through the crack.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

Kurt nodded. "Yes."

She smiled and stepped inside the room. Crossing the short distance to the bed, she sat down on the edge of the mattress. "Thank you for your help tonight, Kurt."

"I don't feel like I did very much," he shrugged.

"It's a little disconnected, being a sniper," Shepherd responded knowingly. "I understand. But just know that even though you didn't exactly have boots on the ground for this mission, it couldn't have happened without you. You are helping us advance the cause tremendously!" She patted his leg encouragingly.

Kurt sighed and fiddled with the edge of the blanket. "This is all a… little more than I thought I was going to do when I first got here," he started hesitantly. "I don't want to sound ungrateful for everything, because you've done so much to help me out, but… well, I was thinking I should probably be going tomorrow morning."

"Going?" Was it just his worried imagination or did Shepherd sound a little colder than she had just a moment before?

"Yeah," Kurt responded with a nod. "I mean, thank you _so_ much for everything. Really, I don't know where I'd be if you hadn't come along all those times, but… well…" He trailed off as he searched for his words. "I just think it's best if I go is all."

"Hm." Shepherd sat quietly for a brief second, then leveled a look at him. "Kurt, I wasn't completely honest with you. You're more than good at being a sniper; you're excellent. And I need you here."

His brow furrowed. "Need me?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Remember how I told you we work with special teams to bring justice to those who seem out of reach? Well, that's basically true, but our cause is so much bigger than just people. We're working at bringing down the entire corrupt government that is slowly poisoning this country. And you're in it as deeply as any of us now." She didn't wait for him to reply, although Kurt was at such a loss for words that all he could do was listen as she went on. "That man whose car you disabled tonight? He's dead now."

She said it so simply but it still sucked all of the air from his lungs. "Wh-?"

"After you shot out the tire," she continued, "some of our people moved in. You and Roman were packing up your equipment and making your escape then, so you probably didn't see anything, but you stopping the car on that deserted stretch of highway was exactly the opportunity we needed. And yes, he was really a politician," she assured him, "but he's been working with us on our mission. Unfortunately, he recently had a change of heart and refused to do anything else that we requested. So we had to… well, let's just say we had to send a message to anyone else who might decide that they want to quit working with us."

Kurt swallowed and risked looking up from the stray thread that he had been intently studying. From where she sat about halfway down the bed, she watched him unblinkingly.

"Coincidentally, about eight years ago, that particular politician was involved in some legislation to cut state police funding, and one of the areas affected ended up being a certain missing persons case." She looked him in the eye. "If you walk away, you won't get far. We have video of you firing on the car tonight, and to anyone who investigates, everything will point back to you if I release it - and if you leave here and try to out us, I will. It will look like you had a vendetta against the people involved in Taylor's case because they didn't solve your friend's disappearance - and then no one will believe your version of what happened here because you'll be a labeled a murderer. What do you think is going to happen to Sarah then?"

And then before Kurt could reply, Shepherd patted his leg and stood from her seat on the mattress. "You might as well have fired the shot that killed him, Kurt; you're just as involved as the rest of us." By this time, she had reached the door, and she turned back with one hand on the knob. "Get some sleep, Kurt. We have another job to do tomorrow."

* * *

Over the next three days, Kurt found himself doing things that he would never have thought he ever would. They were things he did not even want to admit to himself that he had actually done.

Now that he knew the truth behind the ambush on the vehicle that first night, he was seeing Shepherd in a whole new light. It was like his dad all over again. She may not have been a biological parent, but she had become as close as one over the years - and even more so since he had been through so much already with his mother leaving and his father betraying them all with Taylor's disappearance. Kurt had allowed himself to think that things could be different with this woman who seemed to have just been dropped into his life. She had been kind and caring and had taken the time to really get to know him, but of course, now he could see how much of an act all of it had been. The entire time, she had been playing him, catering to what he needed in order to get him to do what she wanted.

How could he have been so blind?

Kurt tried to block out what went on over the next days with Shepherd. He pushed everyone away, not even wanting to find out how much of a role Remy and Roman had in all of it. He just numbly followed instructions, taking out the targets he was given in a detached way, glad for the distance offered in the use of a sniper rifle. The only thing he could think of was what would happen to Sarah if he wasn't around to protect her, and that was the only thing that kept him going.

Then one night towards the end of the week, Shepherd walked into his room again. Kurt ignored her, lying on his side and keeping his eyes trained on the far wall. He felt the mattress tilt as she sat on the edge of it, but he still refused to look her way.

"I think we're done here, Kurt," she said.

That got his attention.

"Yes, really," she continued, catching the change in his posture. "Remy told me you missed the shot earlier today, and she had to take it for you to keep the mission on track. I can't have you doing this anymore if your heart isn't in it."

Kurt turned over and drilled her with a glare. "So you want me to just go back to my life like nothing happened? How do I explain what I did?"

"To who?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "No one else is going to need to know."

"But _I_ know!" he exclaimed. "I can't just pretend like none of this ever happened!"

She shrugged. "Well… we have something we can try," she told him. "It's not guaranteed; in fact, it's something we're still developing. But it's called ZIP."

"What is it?" he demanded. "What does it do?"

"It takes away memories," she explained simply. "If the dosage is controlled, it can just eliminate certain ones. If not… well, it can wipe out your entire life."

Kurt blinked. "You want to take everything from me?"

"No, no!" She shook her head emphatically. "But we can help you forget everything that's happened here this week." When Kurt didn't respond right away, she stood from the bed and walked towards the doorway. "Just think about it. It might be exactly what you need if you're going to leave us tomorrow."

"Wait," Kurt said. He didn't yell it, but his voice still sounded loud in the quiet room. It hadn't taken much thought for him to decide; the images that haunted his mind were enough to convince him. "I'm in. Do the ZIP thing to my memories. Please," he added, and he couldn't keep the hurt from his voice as he asked.

She nodded. "Okay, Kurt. First thing tomorrow. For now, get some sleep."

When she had closed the door behind her, she made her way down to the kitchen, where Remy and Roman were both sitting at the table. "It's done," she told them both with a nod. "He did just as we thought. Now we just have to make sure he sees the right things when he wakes up afterwards; if all goes well, we'll have an asset inside the FBI who we can use in a few years."

* * *

From where he lay on the table, Kurt turned his head to watch as the others busied themselves around the room. He hadn't been officially introduced to any of them and couldn't make out any specific words in their conversation, but from the way they were interacting, he assumed the taller man was in charge and the woman and the other man were there to assist as needed.

Kurt sighed, wondering just how he had ended up in this situation. All he had wanted was to escape home, and he supposed he had, but he hadn't wanted to do so at the cost of his own conscience. And yet somehow, he was now neck-deep with these people and there was more blood on his hands than he had ever wanted there to be - or thought there would be. If this was his only way out, then he was beyond glad to accept it.

A little part of him wondered if this would work the way Shepherd had promised, or if it would end up being just another one of her games and he would never actually be free from her reach. But then he shook his head. He couldn't afford to think that way. Not now.

Then man in the surgical mask turned, a syringe in his hand, and looked Kurt in the eye. "You sure about this, son?" he asked.

"Yeah," Kurt nodded, hesitantly at first but then more firmly as he worked up his courage. If this was his way out, then he was going to take it. "Yes. I'm sure. Do it."

The man nodded and stepped next to the table, putting a gentle but firm hand on Kurt's shoulder. Then Kurt felt a pinch as the needle went into his neck, and a split second later, everything went black.

* * *

Kurt jerked awake with a start, his pulse pounding in his ears as he shot up to a sitting position.

He glanced around himself wildly, trying to calm his breathing and remember where he was and what was going on. Canvas walls came to a point above him, and he realized he was in a tent, sitting on a sleeping bag on the hard ground. Birds chirped from somewhere outside, and sunlight filtered through the tan material of the tent.

What was most concerning to him, however, was the collection of empty bottles that littered the dirt around him. It wasn't just the one or two that would have seemed extremely normal for him on a camping trip. No, there were at least two dozen, and several empty cardboard six-pack carry containers. A few of the glass bottles still held a few sips of liquid left in the bottom of them.

Kurt ran a hand through his hair as he looked around again, trying to get a grasp on some sort of memory that would tell him what had happened here. But he couldn't seem to come up with anything. At all. And that worried him.

He glanced down at his watch and his stomach churned. According to the date information, it was about a week after graduation, and yet Kurt couldn't remember a single thing about what had occurred in that week. His head throbbed as he reached for something, _anything_ , but still came up empty. Pushing to his hands and knees, Kurt moved to start collecting the trash that lay around his tent, and then he froze.

There was a container of pills lying beside him. It had been hidden until he moved and the corner of the sleeping bag had shifted from where it covered the small plastic bottle. Kurt reached for it with a shaking hand. There was no label, but about half of the contents seemed to be missing.

Kurt swallowed, his throat cotton dry. The pieces that were connecting in his mind were not creating an appealing image by any stretch of the imagination. He rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. He was alone, and for that he was extremely grateful. If no one else knew, then so much the better. He would never tell anyone what had occurred on this particular camping trip, and it was probably a very good thing that the only souvenir he would take with him was a few days' worth of memory loss.

Then his eyes landed on his partially-open backpack sitting off to the side. A large white object was sticking out of the unzipped sack, and Kurt moved over to pull it out. The words "FBI Training Academy" were emblazoned on the paper brochure, and he smiled. This was something he did remember from before his fight with his father. It was his ticket out of a disastrous home life, and he nodded to himself. He'd clean up his campsite and then follow through with his application.

It was time to start a new chapter in his life.

* * *

 _Present Day…_

The sound echoed through the speakers. " _Enough. We're done!"_

As the recording looped over and over, Weller's brow furrowed. "I know that voice," he said, lost in thought as he tried to pin down some sort of memory that would help him put a face to the voice.

Jane looked at him incredulously. "You're saying you know Shepherd?" she asked. "But how? Where from?"

"I don't know; I can't place it." Weller was frustrated with his inability to answer her question. "But I do know that voice," he added with certainty.

" _Enough. We're done!"_ the voice on the speaker continued, and everyone in the room wondered exactly what it meant for them. " _Enough. We're done! Enough…"_

 _-Fin-_

* * *

 _A/N: Two of my friends (frankie_mcstein and dominatempore, you know who you are) got me into Blindspot recently. (I'll admit it: I binge-watched the entire season and a half in something like 18 days.) When Weller recognized Shepherd's voice at the end of 2.06 but couldn't remember why, the first thought I had was "the sheep recognize the shepherd's voice," and this story was born right there. I don't know how canonical this will end up being, but it makes so much sense to me that I had to write it._

 _Thank you to the two above-mentioned peers for pressuring me into completing it. And also for the help in plotting and troubleshooting and commiserating._


End file.
